first of all: you have my full sympathy.. what I would like to tell you however is, that you had an EXTRAORDINARY situation for SO many years! I for one (and many others) have been longing for a fulfilling relationship for all our lives and never even got close, despite putting a lot of effort in.. SO, perhaps it helps if you start realizing just how lucky you were to be with your extraordinary wife all those years, and to turn your attention towards gratitude instead of loss.. my best wishes,
I'm so glad Scott took on your invitation to use this space to write about his experience losing Laura. He and I talked briefly when he interviewed me for an article he was writing and I only realized after hanging up the phone that it was the first time we'd spoken since she passed, and stupidly I didn't even bother to ask how he was doing (somewhat rushed and focused on the business at hand as our conversation was anyway). So much of what Scott's dealing with feels awfully similar to what I watched my father deal with when my mother passed (and then what I did when HE passed 2 months later). Recurring emotional gut punch aside, it reminds me that my own wife and I probably need to be better at preparing for the unspeakable.
Scott, if you happen to read this comment, I'm sending virtual hugs.
Beautiful essay. My husband died of lymphoma almost 2 years ago at the age of 46. I’m still in the throws of raising our children, which is a helpful distraction. But I have given thought to what life will be like when they all are grown. Thank you for sharing honestly. And thank you for talking about the practical side of loss. It is a lot to take on everything by yourself when you are used to being part of a team. I try to just focus on one day at a time to not be overwhelmed. Blessings to you on your grief journey, Scott.
I have not been able to make it through this yet. At the age of 63 I suddenly lost my charming, funny, beautiful wife of 34-1/2 years to a stroke. She literally dropped dead right in front of me. Everything in this piece is so true, so beautiful, and so hard to relive. While the pain has become somewhat manageable in the last 2-1/2 years, I know that it will never completely leave. And I know I would go through all this pain again to relive those years. Thank you for this. We who unexpectedly survived are a family and provide each other the love and support needed to survive.
This was so moving to read, especially this line: "our close-knit family celebrating the woman who did the knitting". That imagery stopped me in my tracks and brought the tears. It evokes all the countless acts of love that a wife and mother does for her family, some seen, many unseen. And your recognition of what Laura did helps me feel more conviction that what I do for my family is also of great worth, although sometimes it can feel thankless and unseen. I feel vicariously appreciated through your kind words and I thank you.
I am also the one in my marriage that takes care of all the finances and accounts and math. My husband is very grateful that I do and often jokes that he'd be in trouble if anything happened to me. I'm so glad you shared this part of your experience because now I'm motivated to share more of the details with my husband just in case.
Thank you for sharing, and my wish is that your own grief feels eased a bit by knowing many strangers our here are mourning Laura with you today.
Dear Kim: As a member of the club no one wants to belong to, I deeply appreciated Scott's account of wrenching loss one year out. I, too, was prompted to write by someone wonderful like you, and launched, two years ago on the eighth anniversary of my husband's death, "And Always One More Time: A Memoir." I'd be honored to share it with you and Scott. It is a great gift to be pushed to write one's grief from a place of deep love and transform one's pain into a redemptive gift for others. With gratitude, Margaret Mandell, Author www.margaretsmandell.com
Thank you for sharing this essay, Scott. And thank you, Kim, for introducing us to him. Add me to the list of people who would like to read more of your writing. I could use more wisdom like this in my life. We all could.
A beautiful essay Scott. I could feel your love for Laura through your words 🤍
When my husband touches my back when I put my makeup on (which he does most days) I will remember your essay. It’s a deep seated fear for me that one day we won’t be together in this life. He is my soulmate. Your words reminded me of my gratitude for him.
I experienced the death of my younger brother. We were extremely close. For me grief is messy and as others have said it isn’t linear. Time doesn’t heal on its own but it does accommodate the healing. The grief you feel is reflective of the immense love you both shared. And although the grief will never leave, your life will grow bigger than the grief so it won’t overwhelm you in quite the intense way it does now.
Thank you for sharing. It will help a lot of people 🤍
That was so moving. My husband came to bed and I was reading it a second time to him. He hmmmed a few times, and chuckled once because of the similarities most couples share. Then when I was almost finished I looked over and he was asleep. He falls asleep to the comfort of my voice. It’s so hard to imagine who will I share my evening thoughts with if he goes before me. Who is going to listen to my “ how is this even possible” questions of the day. One of the most scary things you said was “I’m no one’s first concern”. I always know that I am truly G-ds first concern. I pray that carries me through and I pray it will for you also.
Oh Scott! My heart breaks for you! Thank you for writing and sharing, and thanks, Kim, for hosting him.
A beautiful essay Scott. Thank you.
Scott, sending you love and light. What a beautiful essay. Kim, thank you for offering Scott your platform. Real life, lovingly written.
first of all: you have my full sympathy.. what I would like to tell you however is, that you had an EXTRAORDINARY situation for SO many years! I for one (and many others) have been longing for a fulfilling relationship for all our lives and never even got close, despite putting a lot of effort in.. SO, perhaps it helps if you start realizing just how lucky you were to be with your extraordinary wife all those years, and to turn your attention towards gratitude instead of loss.. my best wishes,
love anna 🍀❤️
I'm so glad Scott took on your invitation to use this space to write about his experience losing Laura. He and I talked briefly when he interviewed me for an article he was writing and I only realized after hanging up the phone that it was the first time we'd spoken since she passed, and stupidly I didn't even bother to ask how he was doing (somewhat rushed and focused on the business at hand as our conversation was anyway). So much of what Scott's dealing with feels awfully similar to what I watched my father deal with when my mother passed (and then what I did when HE passed 2 months later). Recurring emotional gut punch aside, it reminds me that my own wife and I probably need to be better at preparing for the unspeakable.
Scott, if you happen to read this comment, I'm sending virtual hugs.
Beautiful essay. My husband died of lymphoma almost 2 years ago at the age of 46. I’m still in the throws of raising our children, which is a helpful distraction. But I have given thought to what life will be like when they all are grown. Thank you for sharing honestly. And thank you for talking about the practical side of loss. It is a lot to take on everything by yourself when you are used to being part of a team. I try to just focus on one day at a time to not be overwhelmed. Blessings to you on your grief journey, Scott.
https://open.substack.com/pub/spiralinglight001/p/the-confederate-soldiers-prayer?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=5vte21
I have not been able to make it through this yet. At the age of 63 I suddenly lost my charming, funny, beautiful wife of 34-1/2 years to a stroke. She literally dropped dead right in front of me. Everything in this piece is so true, so beautiful, and so hard to relive. While the pain has become somewhat manageable in the last 2-1/2 years, I know that it will never completely leave. And I know I would go through all this pain again to relive those years. Thank you for this. We who unexpectedly survived are a family and provide each other the love and support needed to survive.
I had to leave this and come back twice to read it again. His pain is palpable. His writing is sublime.
Thank you sir, for sharing your raw pain and fear for the future with us. Outstanding!
Be like Kim. Give us all an essay to look forward to on Substack once a week or once a month.
This was so moving to read, especially this line: "our close-knit family celebrating the woman who did the knitting". That imagery stopped me in my tracks and brought the tears. It evokes all the countless acts of love that a wife and mother does for her family, some seen, many unseen. And your recognition of what Laura did helps me feel more conviction that what I do for my family is also of great worth, although sometimes it can feel thankless and unseen. I feel vicariously appreciated through your kind words and I thank you.
I am also the one in my marriage that takes care of all the finances and accounts and math. My husband is very grateful that I do and often jokes that he'd be in trouble if anything happened to me. I'm so glad you shared this part of your experience because now I'm motivated to share more of the details with my husband just in case.
Thank you for sharing, and my wish is that your own grief feels eased a bit by knowing many strangers our here are mourning Laura with you today.
Thank you for this--
Dear Kim: As a member of the club no one wants to belong to, I deeply appreciated Scott's account of wrenching loss one year out. I, too, was prompted to write by someone wonderful like you, and launched, two years ago on the eighth anniversary of my husband's death, "And Always One More Time: A Memoir." I'd be honored to share it with you and Scott. It is a great gift to be pushed to write one's grief from a place of deep love and transform one's pain into a redemptive gift for others. With gratitude, Margaret Mandell, Author www.margaretsmandell.com
Thank you for sharing this essay, Scott. And thank you, Kim, for introducing us to him. Add me to the list of people who would like to read more of your writing. I could use more wisdom like this in my life. We all could.
Painfully beautiful!
A beautiful essay Scott. I could feel your love for Laura through your words 🤍
When my husband touches my back when I put my makeup on (which he does most days) I will remember your essay. It’s a deep seated fear for me that one day we won’t be together in this life. He is my soulmate. Your words reminded me of my gratitude for him.
I experienced the death of my younger brother. We were extremely close. For me grief is messy and as others have said it isn’t linear. Time doesn’t heal on its own but it does accommodate the healing. The grief you feel is reflective of the immense love you both shared. And although the grief will never leave, your life will grow bigger than the grief so it won’t overwhelm you in quite the intense way it does now.
Thank you for sharing. It will help a lot of people 🤍
That was so moving. My husband came to bed and I was reading it a second time to him. He hmmmed a few times, and chuckled once because of the similarities most couples share. Then when I was almost finished I looked over and he was asleep. He falls asleep to the comfort of my voice. It’s so hard to imagine who will I share my evening thoughts with if he goes before me. Who is going to listen to my “ how is this even possible” questions of the day. One of the most scary things you said was “I’m no one’s first concern”. I always know that I am truly G-ds first concern. I pray that carries me through and I pray it will for you also.
This is beautiful Patti. That line also got to me. Glad you have that lovely partner falling asleep to your voice. xo