I had a lonely journey of menopause at 37. No one even dared speak the word. At 62, and seeing myself younger and wiser than I thought possible, I see all of these conversations valuable for all of us like never before. The info, data, science, treatment and support is amazing. It was only but a few years ago I decided for myself, I wanted to treat my skin to facials, good skin care, a touch of Botox and filler not to look younger but a fresher face to just me. I left my marriage to a great human at 60 and enjoy my solitude, privacy and silence in the most unexpected ways. I’m not bored being still. Lightly dipping my toe into “dating” is a stand up comedy routine in and of itself because seeking this type of inner connection and intimacy is hard. It’s pretty unlikely I’ll match up with someone at a time when I feel I look my best and have shed the concerns and stares I have imagined were coming my way. Who cares?!!! No kids. No debt no hard core responsibilities; I prefer to focus on those suffering in our country and the world and seeing how I can help. We can do this collectively just be sharing your true selves. So lovely.
I got a chill when you said that no one spoke a word about menopause! I might reach out to you at some point because I want to write about people starting again after separation/ divorce.
Dear Kim: The Great Perhaps, struck a deep chord in me. As someone navigating the last third of life myself, I’ve begun crafting what I call my legacy work—letters and reflections for my children, my wife, and my grandchildren. It’s an attempt to leave behind not just memories, but presence. Your essays help light that path.
The phrase “I go to seek a Great Perhaps” has been echoing in my heart lately—not as an ending, but as an invitation. Your writing has reminded me that the unknown ahead is not a void… it’s a sacred unfolding.
Thank you for the courage in your voice, and the honesty in your journey. You’re helping more of us than you know to walk with open hands into what’s next.
Thanks for the piece and thanks to your readers for the many comments. I lost my wife of 25 years, 9 years ago. I made changes after her passing, had some sex with several people, but it was not until last year, after a "meet cute" at our 50 year HS reunion, did I become completely smitten again.
At 69 years old, the two of us have been transported back to 1980's. Like many of your readers, all the bits and pieces may not work as they once did, thank God for organic coconut oil, but mostly for TIME, Patience, and a Sense of Wonder for love and life. In our minds and feelings, we are dancing through this time in our lives. We are free to ask for what we want, without worry, discuss our deepest feelings about the past, and really enjoy being present, with each other. It is truly, a crush for the ages and a great romance. This is a wonderful time to be alive and with each other...each day (and night) is a treasure.
Dear Kim, thank you from the bottom of my 43-year-old heart. There are parts of the getting-older process that unnerve me and make me feel like a scared little girl, but those are small parts. Mostly, I feel like it’s only the beginning of something fascinating.
Thank you for this. I’m almost 61 (feel 30 until I look in the mirror) and have lived such a full and amazing life yet also have been dealt a difficult hand. And I am trying to embrace the thought that it is a privilege to grow old. One day that hits you and especially the more you experience death of loved ones, friends, colleagues.
But what does that privilege even mean if you struggle to visualize how the last 1/3 will play out. There is no more career planning, raising the family, big goals to work for. Is it just breathing now? I will be honest and say I fear death. I don’t want it to be over because I feel I have things to do. But I don’t know what they are.
wow. this is so deeply honest and beautiful. I love these questions and I'd love to dig into this more here. What is the purpose of defining the last third of your life when all the other purposes no longer apply? Let's see if we ca interrogate this here. But just know - you arent alone. We are all right here and with you We will figure this out.
You said, “So boring to read about dry vaginas, hormones and hot flashes. I couldn’t run away fast enough.” Whilst I couldn’t agree more, I think more has to be said about flacid penis’s. It’s not all about “dry vaginas, hormones and hot flashes”. It’s also very much about flacid penis’s! Blood thinners and Viagra products are a huge business for this very reason. Why do Women get blamed for no longer being able to have sex without hormone help? It’s a two way street! 🫶
I lost two friends, one I shared forty years of friendship with, to that need to be "manly." Each took Viagra - gotten without prescription - and died of heart attacks within a few hours. Sex need not include insertion, every time.
Kim, I am so proud of you. I swear, you could write the phone book and people would read it. I'm so happy that now, the rest of the world knows it! You deserve all the good that comes from that essay. Do I see another fabulous book in my future? I would be first in line to buy it!! Love ya, Kelli
Kelli! You are the best. I appreciate every note, every virtual hug, every moment where we are nodding in confrimation of the same ideas, or shaking our heads in disgust. who knows what happens next but I think I needed this little change.
Like others, I'm tearing up, as I did during the last piece. An art teacher talked about diaries versus short stories or novels; sketchbooks and drawings versus paintings and sculptures. Your wonderful inner spirit colors your strong public voice, sharing in a way that opens others. I need to consider this a while, figure out how to respond without being too self-referential.
I read your writing, and it brings up what's going on in me, and I want to respond - but I hesitate. I don't want to highjack your site, your essays, your voice. This piece, I read, and see how comments can be contributions, adding to the discussions, going deeper and in more directions. Thank you for such generosity.
Yes! I really feel like the comment section is critical for this community because a lot of side conversations and connections can happen and that is beneficial. Please hijack with your ideas and thoughts. I'd like to be a cataylst for discussion, but i also don't want the dicussion to be about me specifically. We need your voice and experience!
I'm still considering, trying to make sure what I write is pertinent to others too. In a few weeks I continue my further transformation into a cyborg, though these new parts will be inside me, not visible like my alternate transportation device, as I sometimes refer to my below knee prosthesis (cars really should stay off the sidewalk!). Other parts are just gone. I was the girl with the hair everyone wanted, bicycling in a car city, men staring, some women, working for a while as a carpenter before going into an office, and then my first major health issue, followed by a worse during a time of an abusive marriage, then that damn car biting off my foot - which I joke was worth it to be rid of that husband (divorced six months prior) and also functioned as a jerk filter. I do miss running. It's odd. I think I'll always suffer from body dysmorphia, but due to being told I was fat and needed to diet at age six, not to having only one leg and nerve damage from that accident and no reproductive system and an armpit taken for cancer and soon a metal shoulder, joint reversed with no rotator cuff. That's the easy stuff! I'm fortunate to have a partner who loves me as I am, no worry about the weight. In my late sixties I should not care either (I had to consciously remove the words "so much"). I do feel I'm evolving, even as bits of me continue being cut away. My mind and spirit, despite the losses of so many I love, center more all the time in this body which moves me around, keeps functioning, despite all the damage it's suffered. We're fortunate to have time on this lovely planet.
The Great Perhaps. Yes! What a gorgeous way to define aging, which for many (me) has felt like The Dreaded Oh No. I love your phrase "I've come out as old." I'm so tired of being coy about my age - it's exhausting. Thank you, for your last piece and for this one. I'm in!
I had a lonely journey of menopause at 37. No one even dared speak the word. At 62, and seeing myself younger and wiser than I thought possible, I see all of these conversations valuable for all of us like never before. The info, data, science, treatment and support is amazing. It was only but a few years ago I decided for myself, I wanted to treat my skin to facials, good skin care, a touch of Botox and filler not to look younger but a fresher face to just me. I left my marriage to a great human at 60 and enjoy my solitude, privacy and silence in the most unexpected ways. I’m not bored being still. Lightly dipping my toe into “dating” is a stand up comedy routine in and of itself because seeking this type of inner connection and intimacy is hard. It’s pretty unlikely I’ll match up with someone at a time when I feel I look my best and have shed the concerns and stares I have imagined were coming my way. Who cares?!!! No kids. No debt no hard core responsibilities; I prefer to focus on those suffering in our country and the world and seeing how I can help. We can do this collectively just be sharing your true selves. So lovely.
I got a chill when you said that no one spoke a word about menopause! I might reach out to you at some point because I want to write about people starting again after separation/ divorce.
Please feel free!
Dear Kim: The Great Perhaps, struck a deep chord in me. As someone navigating the last third of life myself, I’ve begun crafting what I call my legacy work—letters and reflections for my children, my wife, and my grandchildren. It’s an attempt to leave behind not just memories, but presence. Your essays help light that path.
The phrase “I go to seek a Great Perhaps” has been echoing in my heart lately—not as an ending, but as an invitation. Your writing has reminded me that the unknown ahead is not a void… it’s a sacred unfolding.
Thank you for the courage in your voice, and the honesty in your journey. You’re helping more of us than you know to walk with open hands into what’s next.
Warmly,
Joseph MacDonald
#TheGreatPerhaps #LegacyWork #ThirdAct #LettersThatLast
What a wonderful, inspiring and thought-provoking read. I feel seen by all the people who commented. 💖
I’m turning 46 in a few months, and my hope is I get to feel all the emotions you’ve experienced during this time of your lives.
Looking forward to reading more of these topics Kim. 💗
Loved reading this!
Thanks for the piece and thanks to your readers for the many comments. I lost my wife of 25 years, 9 years ago. I made changes after her passing, had some sex with several people, but it was not until last year, after a "meet cute" at our 50 year HS reunion, did I become completely smitten again.
At 69 years old, the two of us have been transported back to 1980's. Like many of your readers, all the bits and pieces may not work as they once did, thank God for organic coconut oil, but mostly for TIME, Patience, and a Sense of Wonder for love and life. In our minds and feelings, we are dancing through this time in our lives. We are free to ask for what we want, without worry, discuss our deepest feelings about the past, and really enjoy being present, with each other. It is truly, a crush for the ages and a great romance. This is a wonderful time to be alive and with each other...each day (and night) is a treasure.
Dear Kim, thank you from the bottom of my 43-year-old heart. There are parts of the getting-older process that unnerve me and make me feel like a scared little girl, but those are small parts. Mostly, I feel like it’s only the beginning of something fascinating.
Thank you for putting together all the comments. I’ve been down about turning 50 last year. I feel a spark of hope about getting older now.
me too. :)
So beautiful! Thank you for sharing and summarizing!
Thank you for this. I’m almost 61 (feel 30 until I look in the mirror) and have lived such a full and amazing life yet also have been dealt a difficult hand. And I am trying to embrace the thought that it is a privilege to grow old. One day that hits you and especially the more you experience death of loved ones, friends, colleagues.
But what does that privilege even mean if you struggle to visualize how the last 1/3 will play out. There is no more career planning, raising the family, big goals to work for. Is it just breathing now? I will be honest and say I fear death. I don’t want it to be over because I feel I have things to do. But I don’t know what they are.
wow. this is so deeply honest and beautiful. I love these questions and I'd love to dig into this more here. What is the purpose of defining the last third of your life when all the other purposes no longer apply? Let's see if we ca interrogate this here. But just know - you arent alone. We are all right here and with you We will figure this out.
Thank you for your kindness.
Hi Kim,
You said, “So boring to read about dry vaginas, hormones and hot flashes. I couldn’t run away fast enough.” Whilst I couldn’t agree more, I think more has to be said about flacid penis’s. It’s not all about “dry vaginas, hormones and hot flashes”. It’s also very much about flacid penis’s! Blood thinners and Viagra products are a huge business for this very reason. Why do Women get blamed for no longer being able to have sex without hormone help? It’s a two way street! 🫶
I lost two friends, one I shared forty years of friendship with, to that need to be "manly." Each took Viagra - gotten without prescription - and died of heart attacks within a few hours. Sex need not include insertion, every time.
Absolutely. We have always had a respectful, fun loving, kind and supportive relationship Love is shared in many other ways.
yes! yes! yes! we are outing the flaccid penises. No shame for anyone!
Kim, I am so proud of you. I swear, you could write the phone book and people would read it. I'm so happy that now, the rest of the world knows it! You deserve all the good that comes from that essay. Do I see another fabulous book in my future? I would be first in line to buy it!! Love ya, Kelli
Kelli! You are the best. I appreciate every note, every virtual hug, every moment where we are nodding in confrimation of the same ideas, or shaking our heads in disgust. who knows what happens next but I think I needed this little change.
Great article. Read every comment shared. Fascinating. 20 yr olds concerned about milestone birthdays- makes me sad.
And not their fault, right? Our culture is telling them that all they have is their youth. infuriating.
The change is crazier than puberty .
ha ha ha ha ha ha SO TRUE!
How are we supposed to have sex ? 🤣 this is crazy
ha ha ha ha ha we are defintiely going to be talking about sex here and I want all your thoughts.
I have them ! I miss my man
Like others, I'm tearing up, as I did during the last piece. An art teacher talked about diaries versus short stories or novels; sketchbooks and drawings versus paintings and sculptures. Your wonderful inner spirit colors your strong public voice, sharing in a way that opens others. I need to consider this a while, figure out how to respond without being too self-referential.
I read your writing, and it brings up what's going on in me, and I want to respond - but I hesitate. I don't want to highjack your site, your essays, your voice. This piece, I read, and see how comments can be contributions, adding to the discussions, going deeper and in more directions. Thank you for such generosity.
Yes! I really feel like the comment section is critical for this community because a lot of side conversations and connections can happen and that is beneficial. Please hijack with your ideas and thoughts. I'd like to be a cataylst for discussion, but i also don't want the dicussion to be about me specifically. We need your voice and experience!
I'm still considering, trying to make sure what I write is pertinent to others too. In a few weeks I continue my further transformation into a cyborg, though these new parts will be inside me, not visible like my alternate transportation device, as I sometimes refer to my below knee prosthesis (cars really should stay off the sidewalk!). Other parts are just gone. I was the girl with the hair everyone wanted, bicycling in a car city, men staring, some women, working for a while as a carpenter before going into an office, and then my first major health issue, followed by a worse during a time of an abusive marriage, then that damn car biting off my foot - which I joke was worth it to be rid of that husband (divorced six months prior) and also functioned as a jerk filter. I do miss running. It's odd. I think I'll always suffer from body dysmorphia, but due to being told I was fat and needed to diet at age six, not to having only one leg and nerve damage from that accident and no reproductive system and an armpit taken for cancer and soon a metal shoulder, joint reversed with no rotator cuff. That's the easy stuff! I'm fortunate to have a partner who loves me as I am, no worry about the weight. In my late sixties I should not care either (I had to consciously remove the words "so much"). I do feel I'm evolving, even as bits of me continue being cut away. My mind and spirit, despite the losses of so many I love, center more all the time in this body which moves me around, keeps functioning, despite all the damage it's suffered. We're fortunate to have time on this lovely planet.
The Great Perhaps. Yes! What a gorgeous way to define aging, which for many (me) has felt like The Dreaded Oh No. I love your phrase "I've come out as old." I'm so tired of being coy about my age - it's exhausting. Thank you, for your last piece and for this one. I'm in!
Yes! It really is a coming out! Welcome Debra!
This is AWESOME.