I too have a boy that has struggled with the void of being able to articulate his feelings. He’s that 13 year old going on 31. His online friends are what keeps him sane. Most people, family and friends alike, don’t “get it” but I can see. Thanks for this article, Kim, I really appreciate and resonate with this post.
I think there is a kid who is lonely and seeking out online stuff that is bad for them but there are boys who are making friends on line where they cant in school for instance. I think those realtionships have value and maybe it’s harder for us to see.
What a gift you have for storytelling. And thank you for your gift to me, I just discovered you and have only read this and 'When I am Old', but will definitely be catching up with the others.
This was such a deeply moving and important read. As a mother of two boys, it hit especially hard...how so many boys are left to navigate their emotions in isolation, punished for struggling instead of being supported through it. The way you describe their friendship, how it’s their safe space, their way of feeling seen resonated deeply. These connections are life-saving.
Michael’s ability to articulate his pain, Raffi’s instinct to bring you in, and your willingness to just listen—that’s everything. That’s what so many kids need but don’t get. You’re right, we can’t punish or shame kids out of trauma. And when we do, the pain doesn’t disappear—it just finds another way to express itself.
Thank you for writing this, Kim. It’s a powerful reminder that being seen, being heard, and being understood can change everything. 💙
Absolutely beautiful, compassionate and empathetic writing that captures the depth of the modern reality of our beloved children. I felt like you were describing how my own 13 year old, who is now on the cusp of 20, found his tribe and deep connection with people he never met in person. The means for connection change but not the human need for connection itself. If only we would give our kids and each other the same tenderness you describe - to be seen and heard - what a much better world this would be. Thank you for sharing your gift of writing. <3
I came back for a second read. Well done. I work in a state psychiatric hospital for acute inpatient stays. We care for preteens through age 18 and adults. How wonderful these kiddos were allowed to find each other and become friends. So many of the people we treat are or feel alone.
These gaming boys do have connection and community, as much as we hate him playing the games, who are we to say he’s not actually creating community and developing friendships? This age is hard. I definitely started crying hearing about Michael. -Kristin mom of 13 year old boy.
Its amazing. Women cannot see or acknowledge or ever talk about "porn" just being available is psychic trauma and massively depressing to boys. Women are too ideologically blind to even talk about it. you just abandon your sons and scratch your feminist heads in bewilderment. Your sons are SCREWED
As always, so beautifully written. As someone who works with aged-out foster youth (young adults) I see this play out almost daily and what you wrote - "If they aren’t coping well, it’s likely because they can’t cope, not that they refuse to" particularly resonates. All of the young men I have the privilege to work with struggle with their feelings, their rage, their sadness and it's not until safe adults show up and SEE those feelings not as something dangerous, but as something to be handled with gentle curiosity and empathy, that things start to change. Thank you for all you do for the kids in your life, and for the power of your words in this Substack!
Hi, Kim, just wondering if you all have heard from your son’s friend Michael and if he’s doing okay.
I too have a boy that has struggled with the void of being able to articulate his feelings. He’s that 13 year old going on 31. His online friends are what keeps him sane. Most people, family and friends alike, don’t “get it” but I can see. Thanks for this article, Kim, I really appreciate and resonate with this post.
I think there is a kid who is lonely and seeking out online stuff that is bad for them but there are boys who are making friends on line where they cant in school for instance. I think those realtionships have value and maybe it’s harder for us to see.
What a gift you have for storytelling. And thank you for your gift to me, I just discovered you and have only read this and 'When I am Old', but will definitely be catching up with the others.
As a mom of 2 boys - 13 and 9 - I feel this so hard. Thank you for sharing. I have just discovered your writing and can’t wait to dive in to more.
Thank you!
Thank you, Kim! On so many levels. What a beautiful example you gave to your son and his friends on how to show up for each other.
This was such a deeply moving and important read. As a mother of two boys, it hit especially hard...how so many boys are left to navigate their emotions in isolation, punished for struggling instead of being supported through it. The way you describe their friendship, how it’s their safe space, their way of feeling seen resonated deeply. These connections are life-saving.
Michael’s ability to articulate his pain, Raffi’s instinct to bring you in, and your willingness to just listen—that’s everything. That’s what so many kids need but don’t get. You’re right, we can’t punish or shame kids out of trauma. And when we do, the pain doesn’t disappear—it just finds another way to express itself.
Thank you for writing this, Kim. It’s a powerful reminder that being seen, being heard, and being understood can change everything. 💙
Absolutely beautiful, compassionate and empathetic writing that captures the depth of the modern reality of our beloved children. I felt like you were describing how my own 13 year old, who is now on the cusp of 20, found his tribe and deep connection with people he never met in person. The means for connection change but not the human need for connection itself. If only we would give our kids and each other the same tenderness you describe - to be seen and heard - what a much better world this would be. Thank you for sharing your gift of writing. <3
I came back for a second read. Well done. I work in a state psychiatric hospital for acute inpatient stays. We care for preteens through age 18 and adults. How wonderful these kiddos were allowed to find each other and become friends. So many of the people we treat are or feel alone.
Thanks Michelle! I bet you have lots of thoughts about how to best help kids. Looking to learn!
I’m so thankful Michael was able to talk to you as a surrogate mom ❤️ thank you for sharing about the struggles of boys and emotions.
You’re right, boxing does help. So does soccer, jujitsu, and the occasional rage room.
And Legend of Korra watched with your teenage son ❤️
These gaming boys do have connection and community, as much as we hate him playing the games, who are we to say he’s not actually creating community and developing friendships? This age is hard. I definitely started crying hearing about Michael. -Kristin mom of 13 year old boy.
Oh, my goodness. My heart. Thank you so much. This is so important.
Reading this with deep gratitude for your insight as I think about the young people I am privileged to work alongside. 🙏
Its amazing. Women cannot see or acknowledge or ever talk about "porn" just being available is psychic trauma and massively depressing to boys. Women are too ideologically blind to even talk about it. you just abandon your sons and scratch your feminist heads in bewilderment. Your sons are SCREWED
As always, so beautifully written. As someone who works with aged-out foster youth (young adults) I see this play out almost daily and what you wrote - "If they aren’t coping well, it’s likely because they can’t cope, not that they refuse to" particularly resonates. All of the young men I have the privilege to work with struggle with their feelings, their rage, their sadness and it's not until safe adults show up and SEE those feelings not as something dangerous, but as something to be handled with gentle curiosity and empathy, that things start to change. Thank you for all you do for the kids in your life, and for the power of your words in this Substack!
I’m bewildered at the lack of concern for the demoralizing pseudo-sex content pushed at boys for twenty years. Deafening parental silence.