I felt this deeply, Kim. I am one of those that creates my own version of what people think of me. I had a blip a couple of weeks ago. This led to an EMDR session with my therapist as I crumbled from the weight of how I wanted to BE and show up with a local group of poets and how I wanted them to see me. I had been putting so much pressure on myself to show up. Show up for fear they would forget me, or not include me in events. Damn if that stuff wasn't tied to 5th grade me. But it felt great to let that go and recenter myself, moving forward to only attending events because I truly want to attend and have something to say or share. NOT for fear of being forgotten. Along with simply not going if I don't want to go.
“Not being alone might be the most important resource we have, I am convinced.” ... This line landed on my heart. Any time I have a blip, my mind eventually lands on the thought that I am alone (I do have my adults kids), that I'll always be alone, and I'll be alone until I die. I have dozens and dozens of associates, some I've known since Jr High school. But I do not have a true, ride or die friend. However, partly that's due to me being me. I'm neurodivergent and kind of weird about friendships. Like, please include me, please be my friend. But when that happens, I'm not in the mood, or don't have the mental or physical energy to be included. Being human is so hard sometimes. Thanks for this writing as it sparked my writing contained in this response. xoxo
Yeah, nah, feeling a little cynical. I wonder how people living in famine, war and "developing countries would view this theory. Also the time frames of ages were quite specific but some of the commentators varied significantly. I am not trying to be negative but I think it's good to throw these thoughts out there.
Sure. Look, I don’t even follow astrology. LOL. It’s just a way to tell a story. That said I think if you live in crisis, war, in struggle, everything is just off the table. What I like about the concept is that it implies that deep thinking and intense evaluation and sometimes crisis, during periods of change can offer us new perspectives. That anxiety propels us to the next place of maturity. I don’t think any of this is about actual astrology. Thanks for your thoughts!
I'm 58 years ugh and I see the change a-comin' for me. I might already be soaking in it. I'm working on a Substacky thing that describes my feelings right now, which will be good but not as good as this one.
You've clearly come a long way and have your best years in front of you (unless you're very unlucky, one can never promise). I am 83 and have grown hugely in the last 25 years. Best of luck to you. If you have a moment, read "My Future is All Behind Me" on my Substack.
Yeah I just turned 61 and my 60th year was hell. Unlike any other year. I was depressed most of it, cried a ton, thought about death daily and how many years I have left and that I have more yesterdays than tomorrows, took stock of my entire life on the regular (and in all the stages you describe here and just about perfectly aligned) and in weaving it together with severe Adverse Childhood Experiences that made much of my middle adult years a living hell. Almost right on cue about 2 weeks ago on my 61st birthday, I felt a noticeable shift. Time to get your shit together, again Tricia, and tie of up some loose ends and move forward with more purpose and clarity. Pity party over.
This meant taking a hard look at a long term intimate relationship that has been intense in the romance part but confusing in others and so I'm reframing it and approaching it differently and so is he. To see if we can keep it alive for the good parts and scrub the decay away. When in the throes of considering letting it all burn down, I nearly lost my mind and cried big hot tears daily for weeks. I had to stop reading anti-men blogs and patriachy awareness stuff, and all things political in our world. I had to soften my focus on my mental and physical needs being met within this relationship.
Secondly it is time to pass on wisdom and guidance to those down the ladder in my personal sphere. Mostly I've discovered my DILs and sons really don't want much of what I have to offer via words and research (35 years of professional working with children and families) and which makes me so freaking sad because I would have given anything to have an elder person passing on wisdom like me instead of talking about 'TikTok says' bullshit. So I'm just continuing to offer regular gathering where I cook and we eat and are loud and the new little grandbabies are passed around and I sit and hold one while everyone eats. And I just listen. And I'm just present. A citadel. A giver. A presence. A facilitator of memories. And I have a huge backyard and so I dropped some coin to get stuff to make it into an outdoor party place for 6 months out of the year and for all their celebrations of their kids. First event is in 2 weeks. And on my vacations and days off I am caring for grandchildren. So I can pass on my matriarchy vibe. That's my only goal. Their entry into my life has really stopped me in my tracks and has actually healed a lot of childhood wounds. I find myself saying alot: 'What would Little say if she knew this about me? What would she think? What would I say to her if she was doing some of the shit I've been doing?'
And finally, in my professional life, and which is winding down the next couple of years, I've decided to take on an intern per year. I did it for years but burned out on it and was sick of helping youngins who didn't seem to care about things like I did. But I have accrued a massive amount of skills and wisdom and so I'm rolling up my sleeves and passing it on. This past year I've become bored, tired, burned out and not knowing how I'll make it through to retirement. Well, the intern idea is going to have to be it. I'm also hoping I can pick up my writing passion and do something on Substack -- release stories out there that maybe help someone in some way.
Thanks for this piece. It's amazing and speaks so very clearly to me. Just really good.
Thank you for writing this. I love hearing about people's experience of their Saturn returns. I just finished my second about a month ago and it was brutal but also necessary. I am not one to change things easily or voluntarily so Saturn put me through some painful paces. I had to face my own shadow in a lot of areas around relationships and my own emotional immaturity. I have dropped keeping up appearances which has been incredibly liberating, intense striving, which I have done all my life and also old beliefs based on who I was told I was by my family. This return felt like a deep ancestral healing. I think I did a solid for my mother and grandmother in doing this work. There are many answers I am searching for right now regarding my purpose and how I can create an offering from all my accumulated knowledge and also regarding love and partnership, and where I want my physical home to be but I am trusting they will come.
Love this. My mother died when I was 7 and I didn't know either of my grandmothers or all of my great grandmothers that well but I do know there was a TON of dysfunction and hurt for generations. The past two years I have stopped connections with female siblings in my life who have done a lot of crazy, unhinged shit over the years. My mind and body just had enough. They were awful to my mother when she was alive, I've always been told. I have never felt so much peace in my life since stopping contact with them. My mother and grandmothers couldn't and so I also hope I've done them a solid. And I know that by breaking the chain of dysfunction, my granddaughters won't have to carry on this crap.
In my mid-70s, an astrology skeptic all my life, I’m going through the Great Saturn Return. Word craft once made me a decent living; now I’m a literary busker, distilling what I’ve seen, felt and learned into stories that will plant a bit of me in the hearts of readers. I ruminate about losing my mobility and running out of money. But I’ve become better at making and keeping friends, I have a loving and loyal family, and by writing on Substack I have found a tribe of readers. I will never be alone. What you say about not being lonely rings true and is my greatest comfort.
I love that writing is the thing that keeps you connected to people. I think it's also my way of staying sane and connected. You inspire me, Rona. I want to be you when I grow up. (I am now a subscriber - can't wait to read your writing!)
I love this article and your life…you have come a long way, it’s beautiful. I believe in astrology. My 28-37 years were HELL. I will turn 60 in August and I’m feeling itchy, nothing like before. Everything is GOOD. I’ve been teaching yoga for 20 years, the same class, and now I am contemplating ending it at the end of the year. For what? I do not know. I don’t want to start anything…find myself loving quiet and peaceful home time finally taking care of only myself and my family rather than every person out there who needs a friend. That feels selfish. The uncertainty can drive me crazy but I’m being very aware that my life has proven that things come when they come. I used to try and force everything. Can I be content with ending something that has been really great but no longer inspires me? Maybe I’ll feel different at the end of the year. I love your writing. It resonates with me, every article.
Reflecting on my life - how is it I’d never noticed that having babies when 29 and 31 (opening to a whole new dimension of love.
e in my lifetime) , and then major heart surgery to remove a tumour atrial mixoma when 59 ( it felt like a reset and unleashed a whole new appreciation and love for life) - these episodes coincided with Saturn returns
Beautifully shared, thanks for your honesty and raw reels from the soul….i have certainly had a few returns only to somehow rise a bit wiser and kinder..they’re gut wrenching though! Love your phoenix like risings
I’ve never heard of a Saturn Return, but now that you mention it, between 28-31 I hit rock bottom career-wise, health-wise, morally and also with alcohol. Then I met my husband, got sober and my son was born right after I turned 31
Kim, what a wonderful essay. I went through the Saturn return number 2 ten years ago and now it all makes sense perspective wise.
All that you’ve been through has made you the wonderful, insightful and communicative person that you are today. Thank you for sharing your words and experience with me and all of your other readers on Substack.
I felt this deeply, Kim. I am one of those that creates my own version of what people think of me. I had a blip a couple of weeks ago. This led to an EMDR session with my therapist as I crumbled from the weight of how I wanted to BE and show up with a local group of poets and how I wanted them to see me. I had been putting so much pressure on myself to show up. Show up for fear they would forget me, or not include me in events. Damn if that stuff wasn't tied to 5th grade me. But it felt great to let that go and recenter myself, moving forward to only attending events because I truly want to attend and have something to say or share. NOT for fear of being forgotten. Along with simply not going if I don't want to go.
“Not being alone might be the most important resource we have, I am convinced.” ... This line landed on my heart. Any time I have a blip, my mind eventually lands on the thought that I am alone (I do have my adults kids), that I'll always be alone, and I'll be alone until I die. I have dozens and dozens of associates, some I've known since Jr High school. But I do not have a true, ride or die friend. However, partly that's due to me being me. I'm neurodivergent and kind of weird about friendships. Like, please include me, please be my friend. But when that happens, I'm not in the mood, or don't have the mental or physical energy to be included. Being human is so hard sometimes. Thanks for this writing as it sparked my writing contained in this response. xoxo
You write with such precision and unflinching clarity that the pain doesn’t feel romanticized or abstract. It feels lived.
Yeah, nah, feeling a little cynical. I wonder how people living in famine, war and "developing countries would view this theory. Also the time frames of ages were quite specific but some of the commentators varied significantly. I am not trying to be negative but I think it's good to throw these thoughts out there.
Sure. Look, I don’t even follow astrology. LOL. It’s just a way to tell a story. That said I think if you live in crisis, war, in struggle, everything is just off the table. What I like about the concept is that it implies that deep thinking and intense evaluation and sometimes crisis, during periods of change can offer us new perspectives. That anxiety propels us to the next place of maturity. I don’t think any of this is about actual astrology. Thanks for your thoughts!
I'm 58 years ugh and I see the change a-comin' for me. I might already be soaking in it. I'm working on a Substacky thing that describes my feelings right now, which will be good but not as good as this one.
You've clearly come a long way and have your best years in front of you (unless you're very unlucky, one can never promise). I am 83 and have grown hugely in the last 25 years. Best of luck to you. If you have a moment, read "My Future is All Behind Me" on my Substack.
Absolutely fascinating and totally relatable 🙏✨️💔
Enjoyed your writing. Feeling I entered the third Saturn Return a few years ago at about 65. Long story. Look forward to your next thoughts.
Yeah I just turned 61 and my 60th year was hell. Unlike any other year. I was depressed most of it, cried a ton, thought about death daily and how many years I have left and that I have more yesterdays than tomorrows, took stock of my entire life on the regular (and in all the stages you describe here and just about perfectly aligned) and in weaving it together with severe Adverse Childhood Experiences that made much of my middle adult years a living hell. Almost right on cue about 2 weeks ago on my 61st birthday, I felt a noticeable shift. Time to get your shit together, again Tricia, and tie of up some loose ends and move forward with more purpose and clarity. Pity party over.
This meant taking a hard look at a long term intimate relationship that has been intense in the romance part but confusing in others and so I'm reframing it and approaching it differently and so is he. To see if we can keep it alive for the good parts and scrub the decay away. When in the throes of considering letting it all burn down, I nearly lost my mind and cried big hot tears daily for weeks. I had to stop reading anti-men blogs and patriachy awareness stuff, and all things political in our world. I had to soften my focus on my mental and physical needs being met within this relationship.
Secondly it is time to pass on wisdom and guidance to those down the ladder in my personal sphere. Mostly I've discovered my DILs and sons really don't want much of what I have to offer via words and research (35 years of professional working with children and families) and which makes me so freaking sad because I would have given anything to have an elder person passing on wisdom like me instead of talking about 'TikTok says' bullshit. So I'm just continuing to offer regular gathering where I cook and we eat and are loud and the new little grandbabies are passed around and I sit and hold one while everyone eats. And I just listen. And I'm just present. A citadel. A giver. A presence. A facilitator of memories. And I have a huge backyard and so I dropped some coin to get stuff to make it into an outdoor party place for 6 months out of the year and for all their celebrations of their kids. First event is in 2 weeks. And on my vacations and days off I am caring for grandchildren. So I can pass on my matriarchy vibe. That's my only goal. Their entry into my life has really stopped me in my tracks and has actually healed a lot of childhood wounds. I find myself saying alot: 'What would Little say if she knew this about me? What would she think? What would I say to her if she was doing some of the shit I've been doing?'
And finally, in my professional life, and which is winding down the next couple of years, I've decided to take on an intern per year. I did it for years but burned out on it and was sick of helping youngins who didn't seem to care about things like I did. But I have accrued a massive amount of skills and wisdom and so I'm rolling up my sleeves and passing it on. This past year I've become bored, tired, burned out and not knowing how I'll make it through to retirement. Well, the intern idea is going to have to be it. I'm also hoping I can pick up my writing passion and do something on Substack -- release stories out there that maybe help someone in some way.
Thanks for this piece. It's amazing and speaks so very clearly to me. Just really good.
Thank you for writing this. I love hearing about people's experience of their Saturn returns. I just finished my second about a month ago and it was brutal but also necessary. I am not one to change things easily or voluntarily so Saturn put me through some painful paces. I had to face my own shadow in a lot of areas around relationships and my own emotional immaturity. I have dropped keeping up appearances which has been incredibly liberating, intense striving, which I have done all my life and also old beliefs based on who I was told I was by my family. This return felt like a deep ancestral healing. I think I did a solid for my mother and grandmother in doing this work. There are many answers I am searching for right now regarding my purpose and how I can create an offering from all my accumulated knowledge and also regarding love and partnership, and where I want my physical home to be but I am trusting they will come.
Love this. My mother died when I was 7 and I didn't know either of my grandmothers or all of my great grandmothers that well but I do know there was a TON of dysfunction and hurt for generations. The past two years I have stopped connections with female siblings in my life who have done a lot of crazy, unhinged shit over the years. My mind and body just had enough. They were awful to my mother when she was alive, I've always been told. I have never felt so much peace in my life since stopping contact with them. My mother and grandmothers couldn't and so I also hope I've done them a solid. And I know that by breaking the chain of dysfunction, my granddaughters won't have to carry on this crap.
In my mid-70s, an astrology skeptic all my life, I’m going through the Great Saturn Return. Word craft once made me a decent living; now I’m a literary busker, distilling what I’ve seen, felt and learned into stories that will plant a bit of me in the hearts of readers. I ruminate about losing my mobility and running out of money. But I’ve become better at making and keeping friends, I have a loving and loyal family, and by writing on Substack I have found a tribe of readers. I will never be alone. What you say about not being lonely rings true and is my greatest comfort.
I love that writing is the thing that keeps you connected to people. I think it's also my way of staying sane and connected. You inspire me, Rona. I want to be you when I grow up. (I am now a subscriber - can't wait to read your writing!)
I love this article and your life…you have come a long way, it’s beautiful. I believe in astrology. My 28-37 years were HELL. I will turn 60 in August and I’m feeling itchy, nothing like before. Everything is GOOD. I’ve been teaching yoga for 20 years, the same class, and now I am contemplating ending it at the end of the year. For what? I do not know. I don’t want to start anything…find myself loving quiet and peaceful home time finally taking care of only myself and my family rather than every person out there who needs a friend. That feels selfish. The uncertainty can drive me crazy but I’m being very aware that my life has proven that things come when they come. I used to try and force everything. Can I be content with ending something that has been really great but no longer inspires me? Maybe I’ll feel different at the end of the year. I love your writing. It resonates with me, every article.
“Not being alone might be the most important resource we have, I am convinced.” From a life marked by intense solitude, I couldn’t agree more.
Reflecting on my life - how is it I’d never noticed that having babies when 29 and 31 (opening to a whole new dimension of love.
e in my lifetime) , and then major heart surgery to remove a tumour atrial mixoma when 59 ( it felt like a reset and unleashed a whole new appreciation and love for life) - these episodes coincided with Saturn returns
Beautifully shared, thanks for your honesty and raw reels from the soul….i have certainly had a few returns only to somehow rise a bit wiser and kinder..they’re gut wrenching though! Love your phoenix like risings
I’ve never heard of a Saturn Return, but now that you mention it, between 28-31 I hit rock bottom career-wise, health-wise, morally and also with alcohol. Then I met my husband, got sober and my son was born right after I turned 31
Kim, what a wonderful essay. I went through the Saturn return number 2 ten years ago and now it all makes sense perspective wise.
All that you’ve been through has made you the wonderful, insightful and communicative person that you are today. Thank you for sharing your words and experience with me and all of your other readers on Substack.