After CPS was called on the Buttigieg family, why wasn't there a larger public conversation about what happens to non-elite families when CPS intervenes?
Because of our charge -- my son-in-law's oldest sister -- we had a recent experience involving her 16-year-old daughter and CWS (Child Welfare Services). I worked for 25 years in family support which is right next door and sometimes works in tandem with CWS. My daughter still works at our state's agency in a higher level office. There is, in fact, one layer of management between her job and the agency's Director who is governor appointed.
Without going into details, suffice it to say that for two weeks the Intake workers as well as the Permanency Planner treated me as if I was already convicted of abusing coming to the house, unannounced at 8:30 at night, when my daughter and I were gone, demanding to speak to the child's mother as well as entering our home to look into the fridge and in all the bedrooms. My SIL called us and we immediately told him that he should not allow it and had no reason to allow it. This seemed to only poke the bear! I began receiving phone calls beginning at 12:30 AM (yes, right after midnight) from the intake worker's supervisor, threatening me with all kinds of ridiculousness. I'm old. I need my sleep. I turn my phone's ringer off at night.
As an employee of the agency that was harassing me through constant phone calls and drive-byes that were supposed to somehow "change my mind about letting them in". Then, they made a mistake and returned to the house when we were all home. When I heard the Ring go off on the front porch, I looked on the app. There stood a boy who looked as though he was one of those high schoolers selling magazines, oil changes, storm windows, or wanting to mow our lawn. I ignored it, knowing that my SIL would go to the door. Sure enough, he went to the door. Next thing I hear is my daughter's feet hit the floor and that "I-am-really-pissed" walk across hardwoods and tiles to the front door.
I got the popcorn and went back to the Ring app. This was going to be good and my sweet daughter did not disappoint! That poor kid was WAY the hell over his head with her. He was a real smart ass until he asked "if she worked and if so -- where?" and she calmly but firmly explained she was the Sr. Regulatory Compliance Officer for the agency in which he was a front line work and he DEFINATELY not in compliance with state policies. He turned and walked away to his car without another word.
The next morning, my daughter was invited to a meeting where there were five people who were all trying to calm my daughter and they desperately wanted me to talk with them in the same TEEMS meeting. My Afib was acting up so bad by that point, my cardiologist insisted I have no more to do with them! It is all settled now and we have exactly what we asked for in the first place -- and while the "reporter" was anonymous, it was, in fact, her "therapist" at the inpatient facility the daughter was in. She used it as a weapon as people often do.
I wasn't upset at the allegations -- they were easily provable as false -- I was upset with the way our family was treated until our privilege was acknowledged and several people became afraid for their jobs. I have to assume the intake workers act this way towards all investigations -- I was so damn mad! So, after about two weeks of getting my heart back to its norm, I began writing letters to our Governor and my legislators and the agency director -- none of whom have any kind of social services experience.
I'm retired. I can keep writing into perpetuity. Or, at least until they either do something or I die. Yep, I plan on holding on to this like a dog to a bone. People should never be treated like this! We are not black although the child in question and the biological mother are of Korean descent. I wish you all the best in your endeavors in trying to right this ship. If anyone can do it -- YOU CAN!!
My late wife and I got a visit from Children's Aid Society once. Our six year old son said something in a school yard and a teacher was compelled (by strict laws at the time) to report to CAS. There was nothing to it (childhood imagination) but still, it was jarring. This memory came back to me after reading your report and watching the doc The Good Canadian which features the firebrand Cindy Blackstock. I commend it to you Kim.
oooh thank you for this link, Robert. Also, I’m so sorry that happened to you. It really is jarring. I mean I never got used to it, even as a foster parent. You see the CPS car pull up for a surprise visit, and you feel the stress of it. I remember our son, for years, thought every time the case workers car pulled up, they were going to take him away. There is a lot of power there.
I thought I’d share a bit of the Canadian experience. Heck you folks are getting hammered with negative opinion Re:Trumpism, which is valid when it comes to systems, but there’s a whole lot of bad in the whole world right now. I keep my perspective by trying to be a neighbour who helps. (picture me with head down kicking a bit at the dirt saying, “Ah shucks.”)
You write with such knowledge and passion about this subject. You are a blessing to all families affected by these dilemmas. I would say that the children of illegal immigrants separated from their families is not the fault of ICE. It is only because their parent(s) decided to break the law and involved their children in same. Also, remember - when US citizens break the law, their children, too, can be and are separated from their parents. Write on.
Fake news, most people that ICE kidnap or murder have done nothing wrong. Their only "crime" is having brown skin or speaking another language besides English.
Would love to hear your statistic on “most” people. You do know, their crime is having broken US immigration laws. Those laws are no less important than laws regarding stealing, murder and hundreds more.
I worked for an agency that did CPS for many years. Saw many changes over the years. In my state now you have to be pretty awful to lose your child, partially because the workers are over worked, under trained and the pendulum of parental rights has swung to that side. Plus, limited foster homes. I will say we always tried to place with relatives (especially in the latter parts of my career) and family friends. We did believe it was best for children to stay with those they know and hopefully those who love them. However, I did find out that after the fact some step grandkids and half nieces were placed in foster care and I was never notified, but I was a distant relative. And it is true that if they are continuing visits with parents, they frequently want to keep the kids in the area. Also, the parents have to give them the names and contact info on the relatives and many times they are too embarrassed. I witnessed some horrific abuse, and many times the children were returned home. It is a complicated system and having also worked with parents, some that I enjoyed as people, didn't really have the abilities or skills to parent. One of the parents I worked with came back to see me after her children were returned and admitted she had been on meth the entire time because she couldn't function off of it. She finally got put on prescription meds to manage and now she wanted me to help her with parenting. Anyway.....the system is sad, many times not the best for the children or the families, and it is true that the more functioning and successful people are less likely to stay in the system. I don't see the current push to have women have more babies and stay home as helping at all.
Timely piece. I'm now in the middle of the mental gymnastics of comparing and contrasting it to another article I read today: https://ottawacitizen.com/feature/ottawa-end-youth-homelessness. There is a lot of work to do to ensure both sides have the support they need. More and more I'm asking myself what I can do to make a difference in my community....
I read this all the way through and then I read the post by Buttigieg. It is truly disturbing, but so far away from my own experience that I don't know what to say. I have no idea how the system works in the UK, but I hope it is better. You're doing good work calling attention to all this.
Well said….The power dynamic that exists between families like Buttigieg and the parent who is struggling with substance abuse, mental health, housing etc etc and who doesn’t have resources and support to address these issues is beyond explanation and he/she is essentially trapped and instead of supporting families before the s*** hits the fan child services steps in afterwards mostly ruining the lives of children and families. For several years, I worked as a Family Support worker with families who were followed by state child and family services. Many Social Workers were wonderful and supported families but most were just burnt and the state child and family system as a whole is broken and this is in New England. I left heart broken for many of parents I worked with..I could go on and on but I will stop here.
Kim - this is so heartbreaking and important. Im sitting here somewhat paralyzed wanting to do everything possible to help all these families and others. Thank you for doing all that you do -- and for sharing it in your gorgeous writing.
Because of our charge -- my son-in-law's oldest sister -- we had a recent experience involving her 16-year-old daughter and CWS (Child Welfare Services). I worked for 25 years in family support which is right next door and sometimes works in tandem with CWS. My daughter still works at our state's agency in a higher level office. There is, in fact, one layer of management between her job and the agency's Director who is governor appointed.
Without going into details, suffice it to say that for two weeks the Intake workers as well as the Permanency Planner treated me as if I was already convicted of abusing coming to the house, unannounced at 8:30 at night, when my daughter and I were gone, demanding to speak to the child's mother as well as entering our home to look into the fridge and in all the bedrooms. My SIL called us and we immediately told him that he should not allow it and had no reason to allow it. This seemed to only poke the bear! I began receiving phone calls beginning at 12:30 AM (yes, right after midnight) from the intake worker's supervisor, threatening me with all kinds of ridiculousness. I'm old. I need my sleep. I turn my phone's ringer off at night.
As an employee of the agency that was harassing me through constant phone calls and drive-byes that were supposed to somehow "change my mind about letting them in". Then, they made a mistake and returned to the house when we were all home. When I heard the Ring go off on the front porch, I looked on the app. There stood a boy who looked as though he was one of those high schoolers selling magazines, oil changes, storm windows, or wanting to mow our lawn. I ignored it, knowing that my SIL would go to the door. Sure enough, he went to the door. Next thing I hear is my daughter's feet hit the floor and that "I-am-really-pissed" walk across hardwoods and tiles to the front door.
I got the popcorn and went back to the Ring app. This was going to be good and my sweet daughter did not disappoint! That poor kid was WAY the hell over his head with her. He was a real smart ass until he asked "if she worked and if so -- where?" and she calmly but firmly explained she was the Sr. Regulatory Compliance Officer for the agency in which he was a front line work and he DEFINATELY not in compliance with state policies. He turned and walked away to his car without another word.
The next morning, my daughter was invited to a meeting where there were five people who were all trying to calm my daughter and they desperately wanted me to talk with them in the same TEEMS meeting. My Afib was acting up so bad by that point, my cardiologist insisted I have no more to do with them! It is all settled now and we have exactly what we asked for in the first place -- and while the "reporter" was anonymous, it was, in fact, her "therapist" at the inpatient facility the daughter was in. She used it as a weapon as people often do.
I wasn't upset at the allegations -- they were easily provable as false -- I was upset with the way our family was treated until our privilege was acknowledged and several people became afraid for their jobs. I have to assume the intake workers act this way towards all investigations -- I was so damn mad! So, after about two weeks of getting my heart back to its norm, I began writing letters to our Governor and my legislators and the agency director -- none of whom have any kind of social services experience.
I'm retired. I can keep writing into perpetuity. Or, at least until they either do something or I die. Yep, I plan on holding on to this like a dog to a bone. People should never be treated like this! We are not black although the child in question and the biological mother are of Korean descent. I wish you all the best in your endeavors in trying to right this ship. If anyone can do it -- YOU CAN!!
My late wife and I got a visit from Children's Aid Society once. Our six year old son said something in a school yard and a teacher was compelled (by strict laws at the time) to report to CAS. There was nothing to it (childhood imagination) but still, it was jarring. This memory came back to me after reading your report and watching the doc The Good Canadian which features the firebrand Cindy Blackstock. I commend it to you Kim.
https://www.cbc.ca/player/play/video/9.6913747
oooh thank you for this link, Robert. Also, I’m so sorry that happened to you. It really is jarring. I mean I never got used to it, even as a foster parent. You see the CPS car pull up for a surprise visit, and you feel the stress of it. I remember our son, for years, thought every time the case workers car pulled up, they were going to take him away. There is a lot of power there.
I thought I’d share a bit of the Canadian experience. Heck you folks are getting hammered with negative opinion Re:Trumpism, which is valid when it comes to systems, but there’s a whole lot of bad in the whole world right now. I keep my perspective by trying to be a neighbour who helps. (picture me with head down kicking a bit at the dirt saying, “Ah shucks.”)
You write with such knowledge and passion about this subject. You are a blessing to all families affected by these dilemmas. I would say that the children of illegal immigrants separated from their families is not the fault of ICE. It is only because their parent(s) decided to break the law and involved their children in same. Also, remember - when US citizens break the law, their children, too, can be and are separated from their parents. Write on.
Fake news, most people that ICE kidnap or murder have done nothing wrong. Their only "crime" is having brown skin or speaking another language besides English.
Would love to hear your statistic on “most” people. You do know, their crime is having broken US immigration laws. Those laws are no less important than laws regarding stealing, murder and hundreds more.
Thank you for your work and voice in this!
Good question. I was shocked at the way they were treated.
I worked for an agency that did CPS for many years. Saw many changes over the years. In my state now you have to be pretty awful to lose your child, partially because the workers are over worked, under trained and the pendulum of parental rights has swung to that side. Plus, limited foster homes. I will say we always tried to place with relatives (especially in the latter parts of my career) and family friends. We did believe it was best for children to stay with those they know and hopefully those who love them. However, I did find out that after the fact some step grandkids and half nieces were placed in foster care and I was never notified, but I was a distant relative. And it is true that if they are continuing visits with parents, they frequently want to keep the kids in the area. Also, the parents have to give them the names and contact info on the relatives and many times they are too embarrassed. I witnessed some horrific abuse, and many times the children were returned home. It is a complicated system and having also worked with parents, some that I enjoyed as people, didn't really have the abilities or skills to parent. One of the parents I worked with came back to see me after her children were returned and admitted she had been on meth the entire time because she couldn't function off of it. She finally got put on prescription meds to manage and now she wanted me to help her with parenting. Anyway.....the system is sad, many times not the best for the children or the families, and it is true that the more functioning and successful people are less likely to stay in the system. I don't see the current push to have women have more babies and stay home as helping at all.
Thank you for this extremely important piece! The system needs to do better.
Timely piece. I'm now in the middle of the mental gymnastics of comparing and contrasting it to another article I read today: https://ottawacitizen.com/feature/ottawa-end-youth-homelessness. There is a lot of work to do to ensure both sides have the support they need. More and more I'm asking myself what I can do to make a difference in my community....
I read this all the way through and then I read the post by Buttigieg. It is truly disturbing, but so far away from my own experience that I don't know what to say. I have no idea how the system works in the UK, but I hope it is better. You're doing good work calling attention to all this.
Well said….The power dynamic that exists between families like Buttigieg and the parent who is struggling with substance abuse, mental health, housing etc etc and who doesn’t have resources and support to address these issues is beyond explanation and he/she is essentially trapped and instead of supporting families before the s*** hits the fan child services steps in afterwards mostly ruining the lives of children and families. For several years, I worked as a Family Support worker with families who were followed by state child and family services. Many Social Workers were wonderful and supported families but most were just burnt and the state child and family system as a whole is broken and this is in New England. I left heart broken for many of parents I worked with..I could go on and on but I will stop here.
Kim, thank you.
I have stories. As do so many others.
I appreciate your work, your passion and getting word out there about what they are doing to families.
Thank you for writing this.
Kim - this is so heartbreaking and important. Im sitting here somewhat paralyzed wanting to do everything possible to help all these families and others. Thank you for doing all that you do -- and for sharing it in your gorgeous writing.